listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
