Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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