She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
