Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
