The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
