Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
