Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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