carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
