Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
