i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
