Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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