Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
