Swine flu. Run for my life!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
