So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
