So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
