So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
