I looked at my own cervix.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
