that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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