shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
