Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
