There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
