I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
