Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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