If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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