the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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