He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ketchup is God's man juice
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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