yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
