i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
