Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
