Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
