My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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