Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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