I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
