i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
