**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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