You just made me feel so damn special
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
