I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
