Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
