why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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