obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
