Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
