Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
