he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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