The maid of honor just puked.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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