I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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