Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
