I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
