he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
