after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
