ya dads aren't the best wingmen
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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