when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
