I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
