if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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