Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
