I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
