y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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