you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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