I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
