You just made me feel so damn special
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
