That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
