But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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