Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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