watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
