no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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