You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
