i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
