I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We need to rekindle our bromance
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
