Just mADE A PArabola og urine
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just had sex bonerless
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
