Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
